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Perfect Imperfection – 5 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves

salvador-dali-famous-quote-perfection-art-creativity15 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves – My life would be so much better if………

  1. My friends were perfect – As the saying goes we choose our friends, not our family. So the pressure is really on here to get it right. Trust me imperfection among your friends is a hell of lot more fun and enriching. I love mixing my groups of friends the more conventional gals with the avant-garde. It’s great to see the affect they have on each other. If I want someone who thinks and acts just like me I’ll go in the bathroom and talk to the mirror.
  2. My kids were perfect – Ugh!!! Kids need to be able to fail, yes I said it, they do. We need to teach our kids to do the best they can, period. Sometimes there will be trophies and sometimes there will be disappointment but the goal is to learn discipline. Most wildly successful people are like the legendary Phoenix climbing out of the ashes of their failures to start again. In our house laughing at your imperfections is not only encouraged, its mandatory!
  3. My  body was perfect – Your body is a mass of tissue, fat, bones and muscles, its function is to protect your vital organs. Feed it well and if you are blessed and can, exercise it, to keep it HEALTHY.  Your body is not a measure of your worthiness as a human being, your body is unique like your personality. We live in an amazingly diverse society our bodies should reflect that, not some airbrushed version spoon fed to us on the pages of a magazine.
  4. My partner was perfect – This myopic view is missing half the of the story, it’s more about the partnership than a partner. When my hubby is really falling short on the perfection meter, I engage in a practice I call “fact-finding.”  You know, pointing out his imperfections to support my judgement to help him, of course. Sure enough when I am looking for warts they are everywhere! When I told my life coach my husband was not taking step to improve himself at all, after all this helpful feedback I’ve given. She asked me to try another approach, only comment on things my hubby did that I appreciated or liked, for one week. Anything I disliked or disapproved of I needed to let go. I was suspicious of this approach and my husband was totally confused, but I have to say it worked. I saw more of the things I like and appreciated because that is what I was looking for!
  5. My job was perfect – It would be great if we all had perfect jobs, our dream job, whatever that means! Some jobs just suck, if you’ve seen the TV show Dirty Jobs you know what I am talking about. In a book called Fish! they talk about four principles that can energize your work environment: 1) Choose your attitude. 2) Find ways to play. 3) Be present. 4) Make their day. Your job may not be perfect but take responsibility for your experience there, focus on what you have control over. Change your perspective and change your life!


Guess what I want to do next mom.

As with many things I do in life I dive in with both feet before I fully realize the size of the wave I will create and what (or who) will get wet in the process.  And all the people who have stuck with me over time have been drenched a time or two, however, those stories are for another time.  So this week I learned of an unintended wave and that inspired me to write this blog.  As with all things in life there are always lessons to be learned.  This week  I learned that someone thought one of my recent blogs where I discussed integrity was about my business partner and girlfriend Geri.  It wasn’t.  I was fascinated that someone reading the blog was creating this delicious story about who I was referring to, and I was intrigued about the conclusion they came to.  My intent was to share a real experience that inspired me to reflect on integrity, and how much I value integrity.  However, that is how my brain works, so it is wonderful to understand and remember there are millions of magnificent brains out there all working independently and on their own journey.  Therefore, I thought it might provide value to those reading this blog to share my intent, it is to inspire, share compassion and spread joy.  My intent with this particular blog is to share my understanding of the power of intention and how it has really changed how I am being in this world.  

Really everything boils down to intent, and if we all get clear on our intent and our actions are in alignment with that intent we would all live more inspired lives.  Many times I have found myself with what I thought was my intent, to inspire, then I find my actions are not consistent with inspiration, somewhere along the way I derailed.  This is particularly challenging with people who irritate me.  So when I am having interactions with people or persons that I know, for whatever reason, I have negative perceptions of, or have toxic energy with, I need to get very clear on my intention.  I am going to call these people reflections, because I believe the people we have the most conflict with are either a reflection of a trait we do not like in ourselves or reflect a person or situation we have unresolved issues with, from our past.  I have found myself thinking I was intending to have a smooth working relationship with a reflection, but find my actions are actually attempting to either prove this person wrong, enlist others in my negative attitude about this person or in general just trying to undermine them.  I will be honest I know I will still engage in this behavior, I am flawed in my humanness, the difference now, I believe, is that I will be present to this behavior when I experience it and then have the choice to get in alignment with my more honorable intent; inspiration, joy or compassion. 
I have been working with an ontological or life coach for some time now and I highly recommend it.  I am in a much better place because of the work I have done with my coach.  She always asks me “what is your intent Marsia?,”  sometimes I am quick to answer and clear on intent, other times I am not.  When I am not quick to answer I know I have some work to do.  So you always need to ask  yourself what is my intent?  Get clear on it.  Maybe your intent is to get revenge with a reflection, I would not advocate nor encourage that, but at least be honest with yourself that is what your up to, it’s a start.
The other side of understanding your intent is understanding the intent of others.  I know I have had honorable intent, the blog about integrity, which can be interpreted by others as less than honorable, the impression it was an attempt to criticize my friend and partner.  So what I am suggesting here is when you are in this life with other people and their actions give you pause, remember you are viewing them and their actions through your filters.  We all have filters and they are colored with our life experiences and our trials and everyone’s filter is unique so remember another person, particularly a reflection’s intent, may not be consistent with your experience.  It happens all the time, everyday, with people of all walks of life.  This is where the real work comes in, if you are present enough to recognize you are reacting negatively in an interaction, you should take a step back.  When you find yourself in full judgement mode, take a step back, is what you’re experiencing consistent with their intent.  How many times have we all very innocently had honorable intent, been very clear on that intent and yet our actions are misinterpreted.  Yes, it has happened to all of us and therefore there’s a pretty good chance we have done the same to others.  Remember that pesky fact that we are human and flawed.   
There is a saying that hell is paved with good intentions, I believe the intent of that quote is that if you have an intention and you do not act on it, it has no worth.  If you have an intention, you are clear on it and taking action from that intention, that is the stuff heaven is paved with.  Now someone reading this may be thinking hmmmmm who is the person that thought that other blog was about Geri.  My message to you my marvelous reader is, it doesn’t matter, it never did, so now you have a choice is your intent to read this blog and be inspired, feel a sense of compassion or experience joy and then spread that to others?  I hope so, because that is my intent.    
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