Has someone said something to you and caught you completely off guard, and left with the feeling hmmmm that really doesn’t sound like me? I have had that happen, and have seen it happen to others. In my case I really reflected on the feedback and whether I was in denial and could not see what they were seeing about me. I was frustrated that I could be so deep in denial that I had no inkling of this way of being that was so obvious to someone else.
Eventually, through intense introspection, I had to accept this was the perceived experience of another and decide how much significance I was going to give it. Lynn Erlinger my ontological coach and angel guide suggested the following response when I find myself in this situation “I am so sorry that is your experience. That was not my intention. What can I do to make this right?” I appreciated her coaching on this matter because when I am in this kind of situation my emotions run high and ego drops by for a visit, so finding the right words is not always easy.
I think we all need to remember in this human experience that we are viewing actions and judging intention through our filters and our defense mechanisms. So we have a decision to make when we both give and receive information through those filters, and that is how much significance do we want to give it. Words can be very damaging to the psyche and the human experience and they can also provide great comfort, but you have the power to decide what you do with those words.
I have a little exercise I go through when I am in a situation where hurtful things are said or I see an interaction that is going in a way that differs from my own approach, I ask myself what would Gandhi do? WWGD. I have it in my mind that his way of being and his way of communicating was non-violent, compassionate and that he was so enlightened that external energy, both negative and positive, did not shift his spirit. I am a work in progress with regard to practicing this approach, but it usually does take the emotions down a notch, though.
I see so much frustration and anger in this world and I hear the phrase “you make me………” or “I know I make you….,” frequently. How disempowering these phrases are, we are either giving our power away or assuming we can take away someone else’s power to choose. We choose how we feel, and how we act, even in the most stressful situations. I am always inspired by people who respond to difficulty and stress with grace. They have the ability to see that the significance lies in how they are being with what is being said or done by others, not what is being said or done.
I used to make fun of my mom when she would be talking to herself, I really thought she was losing her mind. She did have to raise me, so that is still a possibility, but I find myself engaged in the same so-called crazy behavior. When I feel that flush of emotion and I am giving significance to a situation I have a conversation with myself. This is how it usually goes, “that’s interesting that you are having such a reaction to this situation, what is going on?”……”what is this reminding you of,” or “what are you trying to protect yourself from?”
We all have the ability to choose how we are being in our everyday life and how much significance we assign to our daily interactions. We seem to accept that power freely when we go to a restaurant and order a meal or choose a flavor of ice cream cone. So you have to admit it’s interesting that we as a society tend to give that power up freely when it comes to things that affect our well-being. Which is more significant? So the next time you say to yourself …”they made me” or you to say to someone…”I make you…” Just notice it and take a deep breath and decide to choose to empower yourself and empower others and ask yourself WWGD?
It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as you subdue the flesh. – Mahatma Gandhi
Posted on June 10, 2012, in Life, Spiritual Journey and tagged empower, empowered, frustration, Gandhi, intention, Lynn Erlinger, Mahatma Gandhi, significance, Success Trek Coaching. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.